Butch femme dating advice

She has likely experienced her fair share of negativity at the cost of being true to herself. Much like being a butch woman requires a certain level of confidence and security, so does loving one. Femmes who otherwise were accustomed to walking the streets unnoticed as a queer woman must become accustomed to a different life—one where being unrecognized by passersby may be a thing of the past.


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And you have to be okay with that. Requesting that your butch girlfriend or wife downplay her masculinity can feel like a rejection of who she is. If you cannot love her fully—in the street, at a wedding, at a family event—you cannot love her at all.

Let me clarify a few things

If she deems it necessary to leave a situation, leave first, ask questions later. There are certain scenarios and situations that can be cause for concern for masculine identified women that we femmes might not notice. For a butch woman, the rules are different.

As femmes, we are less likely to offend the general public based solely on our appearance. In sharing life with a butch woman, you may learn that the conveniences afforded to you have changed.

What Do Butch Women Like In Bed? – KitschMix

When your partner communicates to you that a certain situation is potentially dangerous, heed her words. And I now have to live with some of the damage I caused by questioning what she knows to be true through her lived experience. Trust that your butch lady is keen to what is safe and what is not.

There are other versions of this type of behavior, each having its own specific type of offender and victim. Google Matt Damon and whitesplaining if you need an update. Yes, we femmes are gay women and are not immune to prejudice due to our sexuality.

Look at Portia and Ellen

But, our experiences as lesbians can, in many ways, be quite different—and sometimes easier. When your butch girlfriend or wife trusts you enough to share some of her struggles being a masculine woman, believe her. Have you ever felt completely unheard and misunderstood when sharing this with a man? Has a man ever tried to diminish that experience or talk you out of what you know to be true?

How did that feel? Remember that when your beautiful butch lady opens up. When she shares her struggle, listen and handle with care. Before we can share them with the people we love, we first have to take time to process for ourselves.

How Does A Butch Charm a Femme?

Keep this in mind when your butch partner begins to open up to you about her experiences as a masculine identified woman. Know that this type of communication may leave her feeling a bit vulnerable. Just listen to her and speak with love. In general, when we build a romantic relationship with someone, we want nothing more than to have empathy for their hardship. We know that, if we can walk through that pain, we can love our partners on a deeper level. And, although facing their pain in such a real way may hurt, it will only serve to further solidify the bond that we share. Unfortunately for us femmes, when it comes to understanding our butch counterparts, there will always be a barrier that cannot be crossed.

Ellen DeGeneres is a great example of a butch woman coming into her comfort zone. Her wife, Portia, is the classic femme.

8 Ways To Tell If A Femme Girl Is A Lesbian

A butch lesbian identifies as strong and able to do lots of things that require physical ability. She sees herself competing with guys like a tomboy does and looks more masculine than feminine in appearance. She may come across as tough. She can probably fix your car if you need it, too. Femme lesbians are seen a lot more often in the media and get the leading celesbian roles in lesbian media.

The (Real) Truth About Butch vs Femme

We are in a time period where the femme lesbian gets all the attention because straight male culture enjoys fantasizing about a night with two lesbians. So not real lesbian life, guys! Femmes are no more interested in hooking up with a guy than butches, and straight male porn creates fantasies about lesbians that are not even close to true. Femmes may or may not be attracted to butches, but the contrast of these two types of lesbian ways of being are sweet, wonderful and give us an idea of how fluid life can be for lesbian couples.

Most become extremely vulnerable in the bedroom behind closed doors. They are dyed in the wool lesbians!